For centuries, it has been believed that the vagina is an evil thing, a power sucking parasite that renders its hosts incapable of doing simple tasks such as opening doors, pulling out chairs and carrying the lightest of burdens. This wicked organ also makes the victim completely unable to tolerate the cold, and yet destroys the common sense needed to bring a coat out into cold weather. Well, prepare for your minds to be blown, because scientists have recently disproved all of these beliefs with this revolutionary discovery:
The vagina is just a sex organ. Much like a penis, only inverted. And as it turns out, other animals have them, too, and they function just fine; just ask the next female hyena you see. That is, if she isn’t too busy being the badass queen of her matriarchal pack to talk to you.
This remarkable new discovery not only disproves the belief that having a vagina makes you an invalid, but it also disproves the claim that is often made by women in the height of frustration; that chivalry is dead. Well, good news! It’s not dead at all, it’s just obsolete. But don’t worry, that’s a good thing!
Now, before you start calling me a femi-nazi, bitch, or hypocritical man hater, listen. This isn’t a man-hating rant about how chivalry is a tool used to keep women in the kitchen making sandwiches and popping out babies. I’m merely pointing out that chivalry is a long out dated practice that benefits no one. After all, what is chivalry but a practice that teaches us that women are invalids and men are servants? In fact, if anything, I’d say that this practice is more unfair to men than it is to women– after all, if a woman lacked the foresight to bring a coat out in cold weather, why should a man feel obligated to give his up just because she has a different sex organ than he does? Why should the man always have to pay for the date, just because he’s a man? Doesn’t it make more sense to take turns, or let whoever has the most money at the time pay?
Of course, I’m not the first person to bring up the idea that chivalry no longer has a place in our society, and it’s often met with retorts such as “would you rather men treat you like crap?” or “fine, but just know that when you’re crying because some guy treated you like shit, you asked for it!” These arguments are illogical and ridiculous. The alternative to chivalry is not cruelty. If a man thinks that those are his only options, then I question his motives for being “chivalrous” in the first place. I’ve also heard such absurd statements as “so, you must be horribly offended whenever a man holds the door open for you.”
Of course, that isn’t the case. But then again, I don’t call holding the door for someone chivalry, I call it manners and they should be expected from both sexes. Why should a person’s sexual organ determine whether or not you hold a door open for them? Let’s bury this outdated concept of “chivalry” and replace to with common courtesy, to be expected of and extended to everyone.
As a culture, we’ve matured passed the point of holding ridiculous and baseless double standards– we’re intelligent enough to realize that the female sex organ is a vagina, not a disability.
Equal treatment. Equal responsibilities. Equal expectations.