As a busty lady, I love my bras. It is the only article of women’s clothing that has true integrity. It is less about creating flattering angles and slimming my body and more about making sure I don’t throw out my back while trying to lug around my colossal fleshy orbs of womanhood. My slacks may betray me by tightening over night, and my blouses may pouf in an unflattering way or treacherously display too much cleavage when I’m not looking, but I can always rest assured that my bra has my back (well, technically front, but you know what I mean). So in love am I with my wide supportive straps, heroic under wire and spacious cups that whenever I hear women express disdain for bras, I have to assume that they are victims of the wrong bra. Because as much as putting on the right bra feels like sliding your boobs into a comfy La-Z boy armchair made just for them, the wrong bra feels like shoving the girls into an ant hill made out of dry sand and those little T-shaped plastic tags that hide in your clothing and stab you in the ass all day. Understandably, a bra like that is bound to turn off any female, but any woman who has experienced the boob-balancing bliss that is the right bra could never speak an ill word against those over-sized slingshots.
Feminism is a lot like a bra. It exists to support women, it makes some men uncomfortable, and I can’t imagine navigating the world as a woman without it. It used to come as a surprise to me that so many women refused to identify as feminists. After all, what kind of deranged masochist would be against their own rights and liberation? But I’ve since learned that a very small percentage of women are actually such deranged masochists; most anti-feminist females have simply encountered the wrong kind of “feminism.” So to clear up two misunderstandings at once, I’m here to tell you three things that good bras and good feminism have in common.
IT FITS ALL OF YOU
You know what sucks? Double bubble. The phenomenon of your breasts rising like a puffy souffle over your too-small cups. It’s not comfortable, not flattering, and it’s enough to make a woman resent every time she’s forced to wear a bra, because no one likes a garment that simply doesn’t fit. Incidentally, no one likes a political philosophy that doesn’t fit either, which is how so many women get scared away from feminism.
But what causes double bubble in feminism? Mainly bully-feminists (or hipster-feminists). These embarrassing byproducts of the movement are people who want to keep feminism exclusive, which is oxymoronic for a set of ideals designed to make society inclusive. That, or they think that feminists can only come in one flavor. They will say things like “you can’t be a feminist if you’re a Christian,” or “you can’t be a feminist if you’re pro-life,” or a republican or love the color green, and other such nonsense. The truth is, feminism is not an exclusive club. It is for men, women, liberals, conservatives and communists. You can wear a burqa and be a feminist. You can live by whatever beliefs you want, and as long as you’re not trying to take liberation or options from other women based on your beliefs or anything else, you can be a feminist. A bra that squishes half of your boob out of the cup isn’t a good bra, and a feminist who wants to play the “I’m more feminist than you” game isn’t a good feminist.
Feminists are meant to be human bras, not douche bags.
IT DOESN’T PINCH
Or scratch or give you a weird rash on your back.
The point is feminism should never hurt anyone. It’s not about dominating men or making a certain type of woman feel inferior to other types. It’s not about denouncing religions or cultures– just some of the primitive harmful practices that may come with them.
Now, that isn’t to say that being a feminist will never have unpleasant consequences, because it almost certainly will. There are misogynists who seek out feminists to harm and demean them; that’s why we need feminism in the first place. But if someone snapped the strap of a perfectly good bra against your back are you going to blame the bra or the asshole who snapped it?
IT SUPPORTS YOU
It aids the parts of you that are all female. It prevents the potential pain that your womanhood could cause. It makes it safer to jog down the street. These are all statements that are true about both bras and feminism. In short, both should be all about supporting you.
I hate the perception that feminism is just for a certain kind of woman– that idea itself is very anti-feminist. You see, feminism was created to free woman from their narrow boxes of existence, not unpack them and shove them into new boxes. Feminism is for the business women, the housewives, the stay at home moms, the single moms, the women that don’t want to be moms at all. Feminism is meant to be the perfect bra of woman-kind. Let’s keep it that way.
FOR FUN: OTHER THINGS BRAS AND FEMINISM HAVE IN COMMON
- Neither have the potential to destroy families, society or democracy
- Both are awesome
- Neither are signs of the impending apocalypse
- Men have no reason to be frightened of either of them
- Neither are anything to be ashamed of
- Both are machine washable