Read about how the rise in female education has impacted the dating field, according to some college professors.
Hello everyone and thank you for your patience! I’m currently taking notes on Naomi Wolf’s (the author of The Beauty Myth) new book Vagina, A New Biography. A review will be posted up on here soon! In the mean time, I encourage everyone else to get their hands on a copy. Wolf is known for her being snarky, unapologetic, and most importantly, informed. Her book The Beauty Myth is a must read for all women, and I’m hoping that this new publication will live up to her previous works.
You always hear women talk about faking orgasms. This twisted art has been accepted as just another rite of passage for the sexually mature female, like learning to insert a tampon, or figuring out how to size yourself for a bra. This phenomenon is an incredibly sad one, because unlike periods and jiggly boobs, the need to fake climax is 100% preventable. So the question is, why are women still faking their orgasms? The only reason I can think of is they don’t realize how silly it is, so here’s five reasons why you should NEVER fake an orgasm.
1. Faking an orgasm is lying to your partner. I’m not sure how faking orgasms came to be known as a hallowed act of martyrism, but ladies I have news for you. Pretending to reach climax doesn’t make you a saint, it doesn’t make you selfless and sweet, and it doesn’t make you a good girlfriend/wife/one-night-stand. It makes you a liar, and lying to your partner should be up there on your list of no-nos. Assuming you have a healthy functional relationship, you wouldn’t lie to your partner about how you spent your afternoon, for example, so why lie about one of the most intimate activities between the two of you?
2. Faked orgasms doom you to a sub-par sex life. If you pretend your crappy sex life is just peachy, you can count on it never getting any better. See, the funny thing about improvement it typically requires the understanding that something isn’t up to snuff. If your sexual partner doesn’t know he’s not pleasing you, he has no way of knowing that he needs to do something different. So instead of pretending you’re getting your rocks off and silently accepting the fact that sex is just always going to suck for you, why not help your partner learn to please you? You’ll both be happier that way.
3. Lack of satisfaction can be harmful to your sex drive. Duh. If your sex life isn’t fully satisfying you, you’re going to be less inclined to waste time on it. I mean, this is America; if we’re going to get sweaty, burn calories and schedule in an extra shower, it better be a damn good reason, and climax-free sex just doesn’t qualify. Eventually, your partner is going to start to wonder why you don’t want to do the deed when he apparently causes Meg Ryan-esque orgasms every time he touches you. For the sake of his feelings, sex life and your sex drive, it’s better to just be honest about when you can’t orgasm and find something that works for you.
4. Fake orgasms harm the over all relationship. Picture this: Your partner is sprawled out beside you, basking in the afterglow of an earth shattering orgasm. Not only that, but smugness radiates from his every pore, for he believes that he just rocked your world. In reality, you’d just tolerated his blind probing long enough to satisfy him, and then you’d faked a few moans in hopes that he’d roll over, leave you the fuck alone and go to sleep. It’s conceivable that eventually that feeling of resentment would begin to stretch beyond the bedroom and seep into the other aspects of your relationship. Seriously ladies, those phony Os are relationship poison.
5. Female orgasm is a necessary part of (good) sexual intercourse. Ladies, get with the times. It is no longer our duty to lay back and think of England while our men pummel our vaginas. The definition of sex is no longer insert tab A into slot B until tab A spews. You, ladies, are entitled to sexual satisfaction, and that means an orgasm. It is your right, so claim it and enjoy it!
And now for possibly the most famous fake orgasm in history. To clarify: fake orgasms in the bedroom = bad, fake orgasms in diners = hilarious.
I apologize for my long delay in posting– I’ve had a hectic last few weeks(not to mention I needed a break from that horrible book I’ve been reviewing for you), but I will soon be posting regularly once again! I just wanted to extend in invitation to all of you to submit any requests you may have regarding what books you would like to see reviewed. It was upon a reader’s request that I began reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which resulted in possibly my most popular crop of posts, the Fifty Shades of Wrong series.
So, if you have any books that you would like to see viewed under a feminist lens, let me know! Whether they portray women and gender roles in a positive or negative way, I’d love to explore the high and/or low points. Requests can be submitted through comments!
Thank you all for reading and waiting patiently for the blog’s next installment.
As I read through Fifty Shades of Grey, it keeps nagging at me that Christian Grey seems like such familiar character– it’s clear that E L James drew some heavy inspiration from somewhere. At first I was thinking of course it had to be Twilight, considering how much else of the book was shamelessly ripped off of Stephanie Meyer’s vampire-castrating trilogy, but then I decided that Grey had surpassed even Edward in the realm of abusive boyfriends. And then it hit me. Christian Grey is so familiar because I’ve read all about him in those pamphlets they hand out at hospitals; you know, the ones that tell you what traits to look for if you think your partner might be an abusive nut job that you need to get the hell away from.
The following warning signs are taken from the Women’s Center of Northern Western University’s website. Let’s see how many dangerous traits everyone’s favorite sex god can claim!
1. Past abuse: The book states several times that Christian has at least 15 previous abuse victims.
2. Threats of violence or abuse: This is a favorite for our Mr. Grey. After all, how many times has he expressed the desire to “spank” Ana, or “give her a good hiding?” Not only with his hand, but with various objects.
3. Use of force during an argument: Grey frequently grabs Ana by the arm and drags her. In book two she became angry at him and did not want to accompany him back home; he picked her up over his shoulder and carried her against her will, which was not only degrading but entirely out of line–and abusive.
4. Jealousy: Christian Grey has been jealous from the moment he met Ana. Whenever Ana is around other men, he becomes cold to not only the fellow in question, but to Ana herself. He has exhibited this behavior in front of Ana’s friend Jose, the brother of Ana’s boss, the brother of Katie’s room mate, and Ana’s new boss in book two. During a masquerade ball in book two, he tells Ana he would never allow another man to dance with her, as if he had any choice in the matter. Grey proudly admits his jealousy, and often tells Ana that she better keep it in mind, as if it is her problem and her responsibility to make sure he does not become jealous. He also claims that his jealousy is a result of his affection for her, which is another sign of abuse.
5. Controlling behavior: It’s difficult to list all of the ways in which Christian Grey is a controlling prick, because that’s pretty much what the whole book is about. However, here are a few biggies: he dictates what Ana wears, he forced her to sell her car which she loved, he wants a say in who she associates with, he forces lavish gifts that she does not want upon her, he stalks her, he wants to control when/what she eats, he wanted her to come work for him and when she didn’t he bought the company she was currently working for, he forces her to go and stay where she does not want to, he orders for her at restaurants without consulting her and he constantly gives her commands in a manner that I would not use to speak to my dog, as I feel it is too degrading for any living creature.
6. Quick involvement: Grey wanted a decision from Ana shortly after informing her that he was a psychopath that likes to hit women.
7. Unrealistic expectations: Grey expected Ana to change her entire life to be with him. This meant eating when and what she was told, wearing what he provided for her and accepting ridiculous gifts that made her uncomfortable. Not only that, but he asked her to surrender her dignity as a human being by taking orders from him, not making eye contact with him calling him “sir” and allowing him to abuse her– all without telling anyone about their relationship.
8. Isolation: Grey keeps Ana from socializing with her male friends with his jealous rages. Not only that, but he thwarts any attempts by her to socialize with anyone other than him. He shows up at bars when she is with friends, and when she flew to visit her mother he showed up there as well–all without invitation.
9. Blames others for their feelings: As previously mentioned, Grey makes his jealousy Ana’s problem. She makes him feel jealous, she needs to control her actions so he doesn’t act jealous– because surely that is not his fault and he cannot control himself. Grey also blames his perversions and abusive tendencies on his painful past. He was the son of a crack whore and was abused by her– he was also the victim of rape when he was a teenager (though he doesn’t see it that way). It’s horrible what was done to Grey, but he needs to get the fuck over it and own his own actions rather than try to play the pity card.
10. Hypersensitivity: It takes almost nothing to invoke Grey’s anger. Seemingly innocent comments or jokes from Ana make his eyes blaze and his palms “twitchy” (twitchy palm is the adorable euphemism Grey uses for when he feels like abusing his girlfriend). He became angry (as well as aroused) during a dinner with his parents when Ana closed her thighs to keep him from fondling her under the table. He became angry when Ana announced plans to visit her family. He also became angry at an auction when Ana chose to spend $24,000 of her own money to donate to charity and purchase a vacation in Aspen. Hypersensitive rapist? Yes, I think so.
11. “Playful” use of force during sex: Well, take out the “playful” part and you’ve just described Christian and Ana’s entire relationship!
12. Rigid sex roles: These certainly exist in regards to the fact that Christian Grey is clearly “the boss” of Ana and their relationship. He also makes references to being emasculated whenever Ana wants to pay for a meal.
13. Jekyll and Hyde personality: Grey’s violent mood swings certainly qualify him to be compared to Jekyll and his evil alter-ego, Hyde– indeed, at one point Ana herself makes that very comparison. Grey can go from relaxed and easy going to angry and tense literally a second, and often Ana’s only indication to warn her is the tone of his voice or the look in his eye.
(the following section of warning signs come from helpguide.org)
14. Your partner views you as property: The whole basis of Grey and Ana’s relationship is that she “belongs” to him– he has stated this several times. He treats her as an object rather than a person by controlling her and giving absolutely no consideration to what she may want, have to say or think on any matter.
15. You feel afraid of your partner: Ana’s fear of Grey starts with severe intimidation and progresses steadily into true fear. She recognizes that he is unpredictable and messed up and she worries that he will hurt her physically. She also fears his unpredictable mood swings.
16. Blames violent actions on the victim: Grey and Ana’s relationship briefly ends when Grey beats Ana with a belt and she is appalled by the pleasure he takes from her being in so much excruciating pain. Later on, he becomes angry at her because she did not use a safe word. He then blames the entire breakup on her, saying that it could have been avoided if she had behaved better– he then tells her that his trust has been lost because of her actions.
17. Your partner destroys your belongings: Grey didn’t destroy any of Ana’s possessions, but I am counting this one, as he had his assistant sell her car and then did not give her the money made by the sell. Essentially, he stole her car.
18. Your partner constantly checks up on you: This is a big one. When Grey is not with Ana, he expects constant texts, e-mails or phone calls. When he sends Ana a message or calls her and it is not returned, he becomes livid with her.
Okay kids, that’s all for now. Tune in next time for another red flag sent up by our favorite psychopath, this one so big that it gets its very own post! Can you guess what it is?
As Google has doubtlessly already informed you, today is the 115 anniversary of Amelia Earhart’s birth. You also probably know that yesterday America’s first female astronaut, Sally Ride, passed away at age 61. If you were hoping that the combination of these significant days in history would have the nation abuzz with sentiment and pride about these brave pioneers and how far women have come in the last few centuries then, like me, you were probably disappointed. Instead, the hype over the treasure hunt for the remains of Earhart’s plane is eclipsing the recognition of her accomplishments and, OMG, did you hear Ride was a lesbian?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m as curious as anyone about what the heck happened to Earhart, and would love for that mystery to be solved in my lifetime. It’s also pretty interesting that Ride was gay, and I’m sure the fact that she didn’t feel comfortable coming out before her death says a lot about our society and yadda yadda yadda. But weren’t these woman so much more than a wrecked airplane and a sexual preference?
Earhart was the first female pilot to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She was a best selling author. She was a feminist who tutored young female pilots, helped women with their career goals and participated in the National Women’s Party, and she was an avid supporter of the Equal Rights Amendment.
Ride also took the to skies, and she became the first American woman to enter space. That is huge. She participated in research about the Earth. She founded a company that specialized in educating young girls about science, helping them to realize that they didn’t have to be housewives or mothers or school teachers if they didn’t want to be.
Earhart and Ride were remarkable and brave women. Their names are the ones that our
young girls should know, not Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton. They were and will always be role models, and yet we let our children ignore them in favor of women who degrade themselves, bend to patriarchy and have no true accomplishments. When we do acknowledge these amazing women, it’s in the spirit if sensationalism. Would we remember Earhart if she wasn’t such a mystery? Would the media care half as much about Ride if she wasn’t gay?
Today, the social networks are clogged with people who hope Earhart will be honored by the discovery of her beloved plane, and people either admiring or condemning Ride for loving another woman. Personally, I don’t believe those women would appreciate this style of memorial. They were women of action, and though they are dead, everything they stood for is still alive. Both of them were passionate about educating women and showing them that the world can be theirs, if they’d just reach out and grab it. So, for those of you who truly want to honor Earhart and Ride, these two incredible pioneers for the human race, science and the female gender, I urge you to forget about lost planes and romantic preferences. Instead, honor what these women believed in my continuing it. There are still women to be educated. There are still children to be told that little girls can love science, too. The Equal Rights Amendment still hasn’t passed; I bet if Amelia Earhart could send us a message, it would be to forget about the rusted, tired remains of her plane, and finish her work for equality. That’s what it means to honor someone.
Many readers have protested that I’m reading too much into this book and have suggested that I just sit back and enjoy the sexiness. Not being a particularly unreasonable person, I took the week off posting and dedicated a couple evenings to dimming the lights and reading just the sex scenes (only the ones I’ve already gotten to of course, as I didn’t want to spoil the riveting plot). Okay, Christian Grey, I challenged, seduce me. I attempted to free my mind of everything save for romance and lust, and read the scenes over and over.
Sex in the world of E L James
What if I told you that the key to Goddess-level sexual fulfillment is laying completely still while someone rams a salami in and out of your vagina? Easy, you’d call me a messed up freak with a grotesque perversion. Yet, when that messed up freak is E L James and that salami is Christian Grey, the grotesque perversion becomes a sexual phenomenon. Think I’m exaggerating? Let’s dissect these sex scenes and see how unsexy they really are.
Christian Grey’s penis is an abomination against nature
Fifty Shades of Grey is erotica, so of course it’s to be expected that the leading man is well hung. However, there’s a distinct line between a sexy hunk of man meat and a crime against nature, and Grey’s junk has definitely crossed it. There is a scene in which Ana and Grey take a bath together and Ana turns around only to see Grey’s erection sticking up out of the water and still growing. At that point all I could think about were the giant earthworms from the movie Tremors exploding from the earth to devour Reba McEntire; needless to say, the mood was killed. So what? you say, It’s fiction; Grey’s penis can defy the laws of human anatomy if it wants to. And I agree with you. In fact, the tale of a rich sociopath with a python penis would make an excellent horror novel; I’ll send Stephen King the memo. However, it does not make for good erotica. Do you have any idea how excruciating that would be, ladies? I won’t pretend to be an expert on sex, but I do know that there’s nothing sexy about being repeatedly punched in the cervix by a fire hydrant. You wouldn’t orgasm “again and again and again,” you’d probably throw up. And possibly need to get some spendy vaginal reconstruction surgery. Considering the alarming size of Grey’s junk and the fact that he always seems to have an erection, I’d say Grey needs to lay off the Viagra and pay his doctor a visit.
Ana Steele is basically a sex doll
Unless it’s to perform oral sex, Ana isn’t actually allowed to be active during her sexy-time with Christian Grey. He orders her to hold completely still as he humps her like a poorly trained dog, and she isn’t allowed to touch his hair, let alone his torso. I fail to see how Ana is able to even get fully aroused without making actual human contact, kissing, groping, etc.; women need all of that pawing as much as men do, that’s kind of the point of the whole sex thing. Miss Steele is credited wit releasing the “inner goddesses”of hundreds of women, yet there is nothing goddess-like about her behavior. She is not liberated through sex, she doesn’t even participate in it. She just lays there while a control freak boinks her. Despite what James would have you believe, becoming a flesh light with legs is not the epitome of sexual fulfillment.
E L James apparently doesn’t know what an orgasm is
Considering she has children, it’s safe to assume that E L James has participated in sexual activity at least a couple times, but it must not have been very good. Otherwise, she might know a little bit more about an orgasm and what causes it. As is, Ana blows her gasket over such things as:
- Grey groping her breasts
- Grey beginning to insert his penis into her (I mean literally at the moment of contact)
- Repeated cervix punching
This nonsense is unrealistic to the point of not even being sexy. A woman’s orgasm takes a little work, and that’s fine, that’s sexy. It’s hot to read about all the little tweaks and movements that lead to a lady’s climax, so why is James so determined to pretend that all it takes is a nipple twitch and few strokes from a lead pipe? Sex is more than a matter of insert tab A into slot B. I will, however, give James a little credit for acknowledging the existence of the clitoris. That being said, she still portrays a version of sex that would not be satisfying to the female participant.
The scenes themselves are dull and repetitive
On top of everything else, these scenes aren’t even well written. Every single sex scene is pretty much the same: Grey tells Ana to hold completely still, repeated use of the word “slamming,” Ana “collapses from the inside” two or three times, and then Grey “finds his release.” Finds his release. How unsexy is that? It makes me think of someone recovering from a bad headache, or locating their misplaced sunglasses.
Sexual revelation? I think not
There is nothing new or liberating about James’s novel. It’s just another example of women being sex objects rather than sexual beings; in this book women don’t have sex, sex is something that is done to them. This book is like the Queen’s message that ladies should lay back and think of England while their husbands have sex with them, only now it is also part of a woman’s duty to let her man hit her with horse whips.
Oh, relish the revolution.